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Conversations in Management

Gelett Burgess

I never saw a purple cow
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one!

Gelett Burgess would come to rue the day he ever penned, Purple Cow: Reflections on a Mythic Beast Who's Quite Remarkable, at Least. That’s the title of Burgess’ quatrain that’s still making the rounds 113 years after it was written and well after the long-suffering author’s name faded from memory. That Burgess is largely forgotten is surprising given his many talents, often outlandish behavior and gift for self-promotion. Boston-born in 1866, he made any early mark (literally) by carving his initials near the top of every church steeple in the city. After graduating from MIT in 1887, he moved to San Francisco and briefly taught at Berkeley. That stint ended when the young instructor—cheered on by enthusiastic students—was caught toppling the statue of a university benefactor. It was just as well, because freed from the constraints of academia, he went on to a very successful career as an author, art critic, illustrator and, of course, a humorist.

Humor in the late 1800’s included a lot of nonsense verse, like Purple Cow, that modern readers may find more silly than funny. But Burgess had a deadpan quality, keen sense of irony and a gift for satire that distinguished him from other writers and that helped him gain a wide following. His children’s books, featuring the Goops, were particularly popular. Goops were badly-behaved, ill-mannered and apparently rubber-limbed children with large saucer-like heads. Beginning with the richly illustrated, Goops, and How to be Them, Burgess provided children with practical guidance on good behavior and proper etiquette. The books remain in print and a small (and very select) group of kids are still learning everything from respecting elders to eating soup through Burgess’ catchy rhymes. His social commentary directed at adults (and also still in print), Are You a Bromide? The Sulphitic Theory Expounded and Exemplified According to the Most Recent Researches into the Psychology of Boredom Including Many Well-Known Bromidioms Now in Use, is embarrassingly relevant today. Yet despite decades of subsequent work, it was Purple Cow—penned in 1895—that became his signature piece.

This is what make’s Burgess’ story a cautionary tale. Purple Cow was first published in an obscure and short-lived humor magazine; yet within months it was appreciatively quoted across the country. It moved with a viral speed that we associate with the internet but in an age with no radio, television or national media. Two-years after it first appeared, Burgess expressed his displeasure by printing this response,— Ah, yes, I wrote the "Purple Cow"—, I'm Sorry, now, I wrote it; But I can tell you Anyhow, I’ll kill you if you quote it! The next time you send an imprudent email, shade the truth or recklessly make intemperate remarks, think about Gelett Burgess. While Purple Cow innocently became the source of regret for Burgess, it illustrates just how quickly people can form an enduring opinion of you and your work. It’s a reminder that reputations are fragile. A good one is hard earned but easily lost. Be careful not to let a moment’s anger, frustration or impatience shape people’s impressions of your character. Like Burgess, we all want to be remembered for our best work not a bit of purple nonsense.

—Ebert