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Conversations in Management

Milarepa

Live and die without regret.

Milarepa is one of the best known Tibetan saints. He was born to an affluent family in 1052 and spent his early years living a life of luxury and ease. His family enjoyed the finest material comforts and was respected and admired by the entire community. The community’s esteem ended abruptly, however, when Milarepa’s father died. From his death bed, Milarepa’s father asked his brother and sister to care for both his family and estate until Milarepa came of age. They agreed, but upon his death, seized the property for themselves and reduced Milarepa, his mother and sister to the status of servants. Seeking revenge, Milarepa’s mother had him trained as a sorcerer. Using black magic, Milarepa (with the aid of a conjured giant scorpion) terrorized those who had treated his family so cruelly. Though his mother was gratified by the devastation of her enemies, Milarepa was worried about the karmic implications of his evil deeds. Determining to pursue a path of goodness, he sought out a renowned spiritual leader, Marpa, and began a long period of instruction. After many years of hard physical labor, extreme asceticism and deep meditation, he achieved complete enlightenment—the first person to do so in a single lifetime. He would spend another forty years radiating a spiritual light and, “dispelling in all directions the darkness of selfishness and ignorance.”

If you want to live a life without regrets, eliminating selfishness and ignorance would be a good a place to start. Selfishness alone has probably caused more heartache for more people than any other malady. It starts when you begin believing and then behaving as if life is all about you. Suddenly, your interests, desires, opinions, wants and needs always seem to take priority. You begin believing that life’s rewards are deserved rather than earned and you start suspecting that you’re not getting your fair share. In turn, that suspicion breeds envy and before long you start evaluating everyone in terms of what they have that you don’t. And, of course, you want it all.

Ignorance is a terrific ally in this process because selfish people rarely see themselves that way. Instead they’re righteously defiant about their sense of entitlement. They can’t see or appreciate the corrosive effects of selfishness on family, friends and co-workers. It’s truly a case of blissful ignorance. But bliss is unsustainable and eventually most selfish folks catch at least a glimpse of their sad behavior. When they do, they’re sorry and they regret what’s happened. The damage, however, has already been done.

Of course, selfishness isn’t the only cause of regrets. Missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams and personal loss can all produce the same effect. But whatever their source, regrets can be banished with a generous spirit and a frank self awareness. One of the most extraordinary aspects of human nature is that nothing strengthens our character more than a willingness to help others. When we put self-interest aside we actually build self-regard. We’re strengthened through the act of giving. And in the process of looking beyond ourselves, we can discover hope, optimism and good will. Let’s make this new year a good year—a year without regrets!

—Ebert