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Conversations in Management

Ileana Sonnabend

I have many thoughts, but no statements.

This was Sonnabend’s response when asked to comment on her ex-husband’s marriage to a woman fifty years his junior. Her reluctance to share her opinions on some topics while freely discussing them on others was a hallmark of hers and something that always made her an enigma to friends and associates. There was no mystery, however about her feeling for modern art. Sonnabend was one of the most influential art dealers and gallerists on both sides of the Atlantic for more than four decades. She made a career of promoting artists like Dubuffet, Rothko, Johns, Rauschenberg, Lichtenstein, Oldenburg, and Warhol when they were on the leading edge of emerging artistic movements and off the radar of less avant-garde dealers. Sonnabend’s influence is hard to overstate. Her efforts on behalf of American Pop artists in the 1950’s were so successful that she was dubbed, “the mom of Pop.” Her impact on Andy Warhol was so great that he once commented, “If Ileana said it, it’s right.” With this mix of reticence and audacity, it’s no wonder she was described as “a cross between Buddha and Machiavelli.” The fact that she pulled it off so well is worthy of note. Sonnabend succeeded because she never let her personality overwhelm her passion and enthusiasm for art. She became a larger than life character without letting herself become a caricature. She did it by knowing when to speak and when to remain still.

One can only imagine how lovely the world might be if folks would simply take Sonnabend's lead and keep their opinions to themselves. There’s nothing inherently wrong with holding an opinion—even a very strong opinion. Sonnabend herself was known to launch a well-placed zinger from time to time. Commenting on the choreographer of a dance concert she had just attended, she noted, “I’m not coming back until someone tells me his I.Q. has gone up.” Ouch. Popular wisdom dictates that folks get into more trouble with how they say something rather than what they say. But this begs the question of whether or not the “thing” needed to be said at all. Nowadays, people seem eager and even entitled to opine on virtually any subject they wish. Reasonably savvy folks know when to exercise restraint regarding the holy trinity of controversy—sex, religion and politics. Fewer, however, recognize the boundaries of what were once quaintly known as “personal” issues in the pre-social-networking days. Where once critically commenting on topics such as the behavior of someone else’s children, a sibling’s choice of spouse, or a co-worker’s weight gain/hair loss was considered in poor taste (or at least restricted to clandestine chatter among trusted confederates), now it’s considered de rigueur—and let the chips fall where they may. This approach, while cathartic for the speaker, usually results in toxic levels of mistrust, hard feelings and ill-will. It’s also a key contributor to what is generally known as a hostile workplace. On the flip side, airing your opinions indiscriminately tends to lessen their impact on the intended audience. If you express an opinion about everything, after a while it all begins to sound like nothing to the people around you.

This season be a bit avant-garde yourself and strike a blow for harmony. Try dispensing your opinions judiciously. If you do, you might find folks are a little more pleasant and are paying more attention to what you have to say. Chances are, there’ll be a little less drama in your life as well!

—Ebert